Silence Is Best
by ClaryBlackthorne13800
Summary: Set in SB, Rose was never with Adrian. 'Love fades, mine has' left Rose shattered. Then Lissa only adds salt to the wound by making Rose miserable. When none of your friends have your back then... who dose? I don't own VA all the characters belong to Richelle Mead. I only own the plot of this story. Rose Christian pairing. Constructive criticism welcome.
1. Big Girl Panties

Chapter 1 – Big Girl Panties

"I've given up on you." His voice sent a shockwave of daggers straight to my heart. "Love fades, mine has."

As his words registered my eyes widened and I took an involuntary step back, as though I had been slapped. Heck the slap would have hurt less. A lump formed in my throat and I felt moisture in my eyes, but I refused to let the man I thought had loved me see me cry. My chest ached from the sheer will of keeping the tears at bay, but my heart… it _hurt. _Something inside my heart died as soon as those words left his mouth, I felt it; the pain echoed around my body and stopped my brain from forming a coherent thought. I was sure I looked like a guppy with my jaw hanging open and eyes as wide as saucers but I could quite care at present.

When Dimitri had been turned back into a dhampir I thought I had gotten another chance at love, but then he refused to see me and I was sure he was just feeling disgusted by his actions as a Strigoi. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that he would have stopped loving me. I guess that was just naïve of me. When I thought back over his action in the last few weeks all the signs were there I was just too stupid to see them. Or too hopeful. And when I really thought about it how was someone like me worthy of someone as morally set and honorable as Dimitri? Seriously, I had issues with authority, a temper and I was _bitchy. _Nothing about our personalities matched up, except our undying loyalty to Lissa. That's who I should have been focusing on all this time, not Dimitri but Lissa. She should be in the forefront of my mind and priorities, nothing else matters anymore.

Taking all of my hurt, love and anger I threw it in a box at the back of my mind and nudged it into the shadows with a long stick. _That's exactly where it should have been all along._ I schooled my features into my Guardian Mask, and tensed my posture until I felt like I would make Janine Hathaway smile with pride. I would no longer be Rose or Roza to anyone; it was too dangerous for Lissa for me to have relationships with anyone. I was Guardian Hathaway. With inner strength I didn't know I possessed I extended my hand out by way on truce. Dimitri raised an eyebrow skeptically, a gesture I was once envious of. My heart tugged painfully in my chest and the box of emotions in the back of my mind gave a little jump. His chocolate brown eyes willed me to understand, and I did, to a degree; his love for me fell away into his furthermost memories.

Hesitantly he firmly grasped my hand and I shook it. There was to be no more fan fare or night stayed up late wondering what happened because now I knew; his love faded, while mine slowly dimmed to barely there embers. In this interaction I showed just how mature I could be. I pulled on my big girl panties and let go of his hand. I wanted him to hold me one more time, kiss me without being a Strigoi, just one more time. But I couldn't ask for that because I knew that if I got one more caress my heart would break more then it already had. I did the one thing no one ever expected Rose Hathaway to do; I gave up.

"Good luck in the future, Guardian Belikov. I'm sorry to have wasted your time." I said, my voice sounded cold but not mean, sort of like how I thought the other Guardians sounded. Dimitri looked gob smacked; like he never expected me to give up on him that easily. But in truth it wasn't that easy, my heart was still telling me to fight but my brain was telling me he had made his decision and that I had made mine. I guess he really didn't know me if he couldn't see my inner turmoil.

"Rose…" Dimitri breathed out my name in disbelief, as though I had been the one to tell him those hurtful words. I turned and started walking away but I was struck with a thought and half turned to look at him standing there wide eyed.

"Do me one last favor, Guardian Belikov?" I didn't wait for a response, but smiled softly. "Call your family. Knowing you, you haven't done that yet. They love you. Don't keep them morning a son they haven't lost." I thought of the look on Olena's face when I told her that her only son was dead, it killed me inside a little. "And tell Olena I said Hi." With that I left a very astounded looking DImitri gapping in my wake. I made my way briskly through Court and towards guest housing, where I currently resided. Darkness overshadowed my steps as I people watched. Everyone at Court looked so carefree and happy, but perhaps that was just my current state of mind and situation. When I arrived one of the employees in lobby flagged me down. He was a young Moroi with crystalline blue eyes. His chestnut brown hair sat in waves on his head and his mouth was set in a hard line. He couldn't be more then twenty years old and he was obviously quite attractive to the opposite sex.

"Miss, a letter came in for you." The way he scurried around and the shape of his face reminded me of a mouse; not in a bad vermin-like way. Just that his steps were hurried and his face swung around curiously. He quickly thrust the letter into my up turned hand and moved off.

"Thank you!" I called after him. I followed a group of Moroi towards the elevator and waited for the next one to pull in. It was getting later in the afternoon and sunset was already lightening the sky from dark blue to a redy-orange. The group of Moroi was decked out in all their opulence. I could hear their excited whispers but not what they were saying. They were all young and beautiful but their body language suggested royal status, which by association made them appear snobby in my eyes. The arrival of the elevator was signaled by a soft, low binging sound. I push the button to my floor and push my way to the back of the elevator while the Royal Moroi pile in. The ride to my floor is short so I don't have to stay near the Moroi for long. Their loud, over-exaggerated laughter makes me nervous. I found my door quickly and pulled my key from my jean pocket and unlocked the door.

The first thing I saw when I opened my door was a small stack of flat cardboard boxes, the type used when you are moving. I furrowed my brow in confusion, _why on earth are they there? _I shake my head and move further into the suit. Lying down on the couch I open the letter. In the bottom of the envelope is a small key. As I scan the content the boxes begin to make sense. A few days ago I put in an application for an apartment instead of guest housing. Lissa decided that her and Christian would be moving in together. They got a nice little cottage at the edge of court for, what she called, 'Privacy'. The apartment I had put in an application for was vacated and the application was approved. Effective immediately I was to move in. I glanced at the boxes for a moment, weighing the importance of packing right this instance. With a huff I gathered the boxes into my arms. I don't have that many possessions, but what I do have is dear to me.

I fold all my clothes and place them neatly into the boxes. A photo on my bedside table catches my attention. The couple in the photo are just walking together, the girl has her arm extended in his direction and is lightheartedly pushing him away. They both have huge smiles on there faces and they're staring into each others eyes with such love and happiness that its hard to look at it. Lissa took that photo of Dimitri and I when she knew we weren't paying attention. It was before the attack on the school and before she knew I loved him. She gave it to me when I got back from Russia, unbeknown to my self-hatred. I cried when she gave it to me and told her about how I thought I had killed him. That photo had been my anchor when I got that letter from him saying that he way alive and that he was coming to kill me. It was my anchor when he wouldn't speak to me, when he pushed me away.

But now it was a reminder of what I had lost.

"What do I do with you, now?" I say reaching over from my position on the floor and plucking it from its spot leaning against the clock. I don't have any other pictures of Dimitri and I when we were at the Academy. Then again we aren't involved anymore or even really on speaking terms. But those were much nicer times, those stolen moments were some of the best times I had at the Academy, some of the simplest. I place the photo gently into one of the boxes. On the wall above the bed I have some photos I brought with me from Portland and also from the Academy. They join the rest of my measly possessions in the boxes. _That's everything. _All of my worldly possessions reduced to 3 boxes. The life of a Dhampir is like that I suppose. The only thing I didn't pack is my stake; the stake that I got when Strigoi Dimitri captured me. I slide it into my jeans pocket and stack the boxes on top of each other.

Then I make my way to the door.

Standing in the open doorway I look back into the suit and let my eyes wander around my home of the last few weeks. I flip the light switch and close the door behind me.


	2. Floozy

**A/N: Hey GUYS! Sorry it's taken so long to update, my uncle is in hospital and school works just drowning me so don't hate me too much. I'll try not to be too late with the next one! Xxx Enjoy ;-P**

Chapter 2 – Floozy.

Walking into my new apartment the first thing that I noticed was that it was furnished, the second thing I noticed made bile rise into my throat. The walls of the living room were mustard yellow. _Really? _Who in their right mind would paint a living area mustard yellow? Leaving the boxes by the door I move to investigate my new apartment. The furniture was modern and of good quality, but I would defiantly be repainting. The living area its self led off to a spacious kitchen with a new silver fridge and microwave. _Oh, Shiny. _A door leads off the back or the kitchen. Opening the door I peek into the room beyond. It's a laundry room, with a washing machine and a dryer. To the side is a ironing board and drying rack, all of the electronics in the apartment appear to be new so far. Closing the door behind me I notice two doors adjacent to the living room. One door leads to a clean, white bathroom with a large bath and a decent shower. The basin has silver taps and a matching toothbrush holder.

The other door leads to the – my – bedroom. The walls were painted a grey-white with an east-facing window, letting in the morning light. Not that it was morning for the vampire community. The curtains are a soft cream colour and fall all the way to the hard wood floor. A queen sized bed rests across from the window and in the middle of the large wall, its sheets are a soft brown and cotton. A dark wood vanity lies directly opposite the bed, the mirror is squared and I can see the remains of blue tack on its surface. On each side of the bed are twin bedside tables. On one an electronic clock sits quietly. In the room is also a large closet and dresser, made of the same dark wood. I find myself sitting on the edge of the bed, running the pads of my fingers over its soft surface. The day's events weigh heavily on me and now that I'm sitting I don't think that I'll be able to get up.

It's late in the vampire night, almost midday for humans. Tomorrow, after my work for Hans I will have to go to the hardware store to get some paint.

I rerun the interaction with Dimitri over and over in my head until it become like some sort of sick movie. All day I waited for him was find me a take all he said back. For him to take me back. I still loved him, that was never going to change, but now I would have to learn to love him differently; as a friend. It's horrible to think that the man I gave my virginity to, the man who was my first love, the man I tracked all over Russia for, just stopped loving me. When Lissa turned Dimitri back into a Dhampir I thought that we had a second chance, then he turned to her and I saw the admiration in his brown orbs. At first I thought it was him just being thankful for her turning him back, but it wasn't. It wasn't thankfulness or just admiration; it was straight up hero worship.

My cheeks felt wet and I distantly realized I was crying. The box in the back of my mind jumped again before springing open and flooding me with emotion. I _hurt. _The pain of rejection was the most potent of emotion I was feeling; rage, betrayal and embarrassment hot at its heels. My chest felt like someone had placed Thor's hammer on it; I struggled to breath around the all-consuming sobs that wrecked my body. _Love fades. Mine has. _Somehow, that was the worst thing he could have ever said. Having him tell me he was going to avoid me and ignore our past relationship made me feel like someone and reached into my chest and ripped my heart out. And all I could do was watch. I, deep down, wanted to believe that he only said it to distance himself from me and the memories of what he did to me when he was a Strigoi.

But… Love fades.

That was something else altogether. I could tell by the glint in his eye that everything he said was the truth, because I swear for a moment he dropped his mask and let me see how much he needed me to understand. Love fades. It meant that what we had had would die, going pale until it crumpled, turned to dust and drifted away like dried up leaves on the wind. The thought of it caused the pain in my chest to worsen and move into my stomach as well. I curled up into a ball on my bed, wrapping my arms around my self as though trying to hold in the broken pieces of my heart. The tears kept coming, a never-ending torrent of my bottled up grief. I don't know how long I lay there, curled in the fetal position when a knock came at my door. For a moment I contemplated how important it could be, but then I opened my senses beyond that of just my self-pity.

The bond fizzed to life for the first time since this morning but it wasn't Lissa at my door. Even though she was royally pissed at me it wasn't her.

My curiosity spiked, _who would need to talk to me at this time of the vampire night? _It was late, or at least later then my usually bedtime, I thought I had dodged everyone. If someone had found my new apartment without me telling them then I obviously didn't do a good enough job at it. With a heavy, mournful sigh I pulled my aching body out of my nice, new – and very comfy – be to see who would be knocking on my door. Did I really want the distraction or did I want to keep my solitude? I had no idea who it could be, save that it wasn't Lissa. God. For all I knew, it was Hans, demanding to know why I hadn't show up for work detail. But if it was Hans I'm sure there would be more yelling. After much thinking – and more persistent knocking – I decided to open it.

It was Adrian.

"Little Dhampir." He said it with a small, weary smile. "You look like you've seen a ghost." I wanted to laugh but all I could manage was a half smile. _Not a ghost, per say._

"Hey." I say in a small voice, looking at the ground and brushing some stray hair behind my ear. "I didn't expect to see you. Much less here." I try to sound light and teasing but it comes out bland and forced. I open to door further so he can come in. He walks in confidently, walking towards the brown couch and muttering something that sounded like "nice" as he appraised the room. He wore fresh clothes, different to what he'd worn this morning when we spoke and his hair was back to its usual perfection. I caught the lingering scent of cloves, but said nothing. I closed the door and walked over to sit in front of him on the coffee table. He doesn't look at me when he talks, but at his clasped hands in front of him.

"I've been thinking about what you said to me this morning; about Lissa's dad." His green eyes turned speculative. "And you were right – right about the gambling thing. He'd have money to pay off any dept. He wouldn't have had to keep it secret. So I went and asked my mum."

"What?!" I was practically yelling, even though I shouldn't have, but the mental exhaustion of the day was wearing on me. "Adrian, no one's supposed to know that-"

"Yeah, yeah, I figured you information would have been top secret, hush-hush." He raises his index figure to his lips when he says the last part. "Don't worry. I told her that when we were in Vegas, we heard some people talking about it-about Lissa's dad making secret deposits."

"What did she say?" My curiosity pricks and butterflies of nervous anticipation flutter inside my stomach.

"The same thing I did. Well, actually, she snapped at me first. She said Eric Dragomir was a good man and that I shouldn't spread rumors about the dead. She suggested that maybe he had a gambling problem, but if so, people shouldn't focus on that, when he did so many great things. After the Death Watch, I think she's afraid of me causing more public scenes."

"She's right. About Eric," I said. Perhaps someone had stolen those records as slander campaign. Spreading rumors about the dead was rather pointless, but maybe someone wanted to blacken the Dragomir reputation and get rid of any chance of the voting law being changed for Lissa.

"And then my dad walked in," _That doesn't sound like the beginning of a bad joke at all. _"having already overheard us talking and he was like, 'He was probably funding some mistress. You're right – he was a nice enough guy. But he liked to flirt. And he liked the ladies.'" Adrian rolled his eyes. "That's a direct quote: 'He liked the ladies.' My dad is such an ass. He sounds twice his age."

I gripped Adrian's arm without realizing it. "What did he say after that?" I can feel my brain humming as it processes the new information that's, well honestly, more speculation then cold hard fact. But the Ivashkovs are always atop the rumor mill. Adrian shrugged but left my hand where it was.

"Nothing. My mum got mad and said the same thing to him that she said to me, that it was cruel to spread stories no one could prove."

"Do you thinks its true? Do you think Lissa's dad had a mistress? Was that what he was paying out for?"

"Don't know, little Dhampir. Honestly? My dad's the type to jump at any rumor he could. Or make one up. I mean, we know Lissa's dad liked to party. Its easy to jump to conclusions from there. Probably had some dirty secret. Hell, we all do. Maybe whoever stole those files just wanted to exploit that."

I told him my theory about it being used against Lissa, "Or," I said, pacing in front of him now, "maybe someone who support the mistress took it. So that it wouldn't get out."

"Adrian nodded and stood. " Either way, I don't think Lissa's in mortal danger." _Lissa's always in mortal danger,_ I thought bitterly. Every time we get comfortable, something bad happens. So, no more getting comfortable.

"Thank you, Adrian." I said crossing my arms over my chest.

"Your most welcome, Little Dhampir." I can see sorrow in his beautiful, haunted eyes and that makes my heart jerk painfully. With that he walks away, and out of the door; leaving me alone with my racing brain.


	3. Conversations over Coffee

After Adrian's visit the night before I hadn't slept much. I tossed and turned in-between the moments when nightmares didn't plague me. I can't remember a time before Strigoi Dimitri kidnapped and fed off me, a time before everything went to crap. When I did eventually pull myself out of bed to shower, I decided to quickly check in with what Lissa was up to. I spent more time getting ready than I had in a while, taking the time to blow-dry my hair, and styling it to emphasize the natural waves. In an hour or so, the Council was going to listen to arguments from different factions with varying ideas on the new age decree, Moroi fighting, and the Dragomir vote. Provided they let me in the hall, I had no intention of missing the debates on the hottest issues in our world right now. With a bit of probing into her mind, I can see her in a cute little café on the other side of the court, alone. With Fire crotch nowhere to be found, I figured that I would sit down and have breakfast with Lissa.

When I was half ways to the café, though, I sensed something that ruined my breakfast plan. Christian had sat down with Lissa.

"Well, well," I muttered to myself. With everything going, I hadn't paid much attention to Lissa's personal life. After what had happened at the warehouse, I wasn't entirely surprised to see them together, though her feelings told me there had been no romantic reconciliation. This was an uneasy attempt at friendship, a chance to get over their constant jealousy and distrust. Personally, I didn't understand her doubt in Christian when he was coaching Jill; if Lissa had trusted him, believed that he truly loved her, there wouldn't be a problem.

Far be it for me to intrude on their make-up session. I knew another place near the guardians' building that also had coffee and doughnuts. It would do, provided no one remembered I was still technically on probation and had made a scene in the royal hall.

The odd didn't seem good.

Still, I decided it would be worth a try and headed over, eyeing the overcast sky uneasily as I went. Rain would just make the last few days worse. When I got to the café I discovered I had nothing to worry about; no one was paying attention to me. There was and even bigger draw: Dimitri.

He sat alone at a table towards the back of the room, coffee and half-eaten glazed doughnut in front of him. In his hand was a worn paperback novel that I would have bet my life was a Western. He had five guardians with him this time, a significant reduction; but when it came down to it they wouldn't be able to stop him if he was still a strigoi anyway. The collective attitude that he still needed close watching irked me. If they couldn't see he was a Dhampir, they were bigger morons than I had ever thought.

No one sat with him, but his escort simply maintained a ring of protection, a couple near the walls and two by the table. The security seemed pointless, to me, that is. Dimitri was completely engrossed in his book, oblivious to everyone around him – or just simply making a show of uncaring. Back before all of this bullshit, Dimitri and I shared this uncanny awareness of each other's presence. In a crowded room, I could find him. And in spite of his preoccupation with his book, he looked up as I approached the café counter. Our eyes lock for a millisecond before I turned away. There was no expression on his face… and yet, I had the feeling he was waiting for something.

Me, I realized dryly. Despite everything, despite our fight and my acceptance his wishes… he still thought I would pursue and make some pledge of my love. Why? Hadn't I made it perfectly clear I had heard and would abide by his requests? Did he just expect me to be that unreasonable? Whatever the reason, I decided I wouldn't give it to him. He'd told me to stay away, and if that was what he wanted that was what I was going to do in commemoration of the love we once and briefly shared. At the counter, I ordered a black coffee and a chocolate éclair. After a moment's consideration, I ordered a second éclair.

I had a feeling it was going to be one of those days.

My plan had been to eat outside, but as I glanced towards the tinted windows, I could just barely make out the pattern of raindrops hitting the panes. Damn. I briefly considered fighting the weather and going back to my room with my food, but I wasn't going to let Dimitri scare me off. I spied a free table that just happened to be on the other side of the room to him, I headed towards, going out of my way not to look at or acknowledge him.

"Hey, Rose. Are you going to the Council today?"

I came to a halt. It was one of Dimitri's guardians that had spoken, giving me a friendly smile a he did. I couldn't remember his name, but it seemed far too rude to ignore him, especially since whenever we passed he seemed nice. Reluctantly I answered back.

"Yup," I said, popping the p, making sure my attention was only on the guardian. "Just grabbing a bite before I do."

"Are they going to let you in?" asked another of the guardians. He too was smiling. For half a second, I thought they might have been mocking my last outburst. But no… their faces showed approval.

"That's an excellent question," I admitted with a laugh. I took a bite of my éclair. "But I figure I should give it a try. I'll also try to be on good behaviour."

The first guardian laughed. "I sure hope not. That group deserves all the grief you can give them over that stupid age law." The other guardian nodded.

"What age law?" asked Dimitri.

Reluctantly, I looked over at him. The smile and playful attitude faded away from me, and my stomach sank. My guardian mask fell into place.

"The decree where royals think sending sixteen-year-old dhampirs out to fight is the same as sending eighteen-year-olds," I say tossing my food into a nearby bin, appetite gone. What the hell is wrong with me? I just threw away perfectly good food. I shake my head in both exasperation and to clear my thoughts.

Dimitri's head shot up so quickly, I took an involuntary step back. "Which sixteen-year-olds are fighting strigoi?" His guardians tensed but did nothing else.

A knot formed in my throat and it took me a minute to find my voice. "That's the decree. Dhampirs graduate when they're sixteen now." I tried to keep my voice devoid of emotion.

"When did this happen?" he demanded, placing his book down gently on the table as anger creased his brow.

"Just the other day, no one told you?" I glance over at the other guardians. One of them shrugged as if to say it's not in my job description. I had the impression that they believed that Dimitri was truly a dhampir, but they weren't ready to get chatty with him. His only other contact would be Lissa and his interrogators.

"No." His gaze turned inward as he pondered over it for a moment. I considered making a run for the doors but decided against it. If we can't be lovers might as well make a pass at being friends. I crossed my arms over my chest and adjusted my stance, figuring I was going to be here a while. "That's insane," he said finally. "Morality aside, they aren't ready that young. It's suicide."

"I am aware of the fact." I wince inwardly at the thought of Spokane, a place that also frequently plagues my nightmares. "Tasha gave a really valid argument against it. So did I."

Dimitri gave me a suspicious look at that last part, particularly when on of his guardians smirked.

"Was it a close vote?" he asked. He spoke to me interrogation style, in the focused and serious way that so defined him as a guardian.

"Very close. If Lissa could have voted, it wouldn't have passed."

"Ah," he said over the edge of his coffee cup as he took a gulp. "The quorum law." I wished I could turn my coffee into tequila, or whiskey; anything stronger. Deciding that this was going to be a longer conversation than I had expected, I took the seat opposite him. I set my coffee down in front of me.

"So, you know about that?" I asked unsurprised. Dimitri always seemed to know everything.

"It's an old Moroi law."

"So I hear."

"What's the opposition trying to do? Sway the Council back or get Lissa the Dragomir vote?"

"Both. And other things."

He shook his head, tucking some hair behind his ear. "They can't do that. They need to pick one cause and throw their weight behind it. Lissa's the smartest choice. The Council needs the Dragomirs back, and I've seen the way people look at her when they put me on display." Only the slightest bit of bitterness coated his words, indicating how he felt about that. "It wouldn't be hard to get the support for that – if they don't divide their efforts."

I didn't want to distract him, so I stayed quiet while he mused over it. It was the first time I had seen the old fire back to his eyes, the only thing he seemed interested in – well, aside from pledging lifelong devotion to Lissa. It was nice to see the old Dimitri, even if it did bring back memories and make my chest clench in heartache. But I reminded myself it's what he wanted and steeled my heart. Dimitri looked squarely at me for the first time in this whole conversation, and like always, the power of his gaze wrapped around me.

"The next time you see Tasha, will you send her to me? We need to talk about this." That single sentence sent a shockwave of horrid pain through my body, shattering the feeble walls I had built around my heart in the last 24 hours. She could have a normal conversation with him, a friendship with him, but I couldn't. So, that's how this was. I wanted to scream, shout, jump up and down, and cause a scene but I mentally slapped myself. This is what I had to do.

"Of course, Guardian Belikov." I nodded my head and took a sip of my coffee. Dimitri threw his hands up in exasperation suddenly, causing me to nearly choke.

"Oh, for God's sake, Rose," he exclaimed, confusing me further. "Why are you still bitter? You had to have seen it coming." The guardians around us whispered to themselves in confusion.

"I can assure you that the message was loud and clear," I place my hand on the table and stand, readying myself to leave. "You were quite clear about your feelings and I have and will respect your wishes." I keep my voice even and low enough that the guardians couldn't hear me.

"You never use titles with anyone, not even guardian Hans. How do you expect me to believe that you just suddenly start using them now?" He too gets to his feet, narrowing his eyes at me. Even with his dwarfing height, I held my ground like I always had against his scolding.

"Believe me, when I tell you, I have been through far too much lately to let an old habit of insubordination stick," I said by way of response. Just as I turn an army suddenly burst through the doors and was upon us.


End file.
